Past Becomes Present
by irish-surf-chick
Summary: It was a normal day in Stars Hollow right up until the yellow cab pulled up outside the diner.Rachel returns in Dec 2006.Her presence comforts Luke while is a painful reminder for Lorelai. JavaJunkie UPDATED CHAP 6 UP! REVIEW!
1. Five Year Stranger

_Well well well look who's back. I decided to write this on a whim, basically I couldn't sleep last night and got up to write although I have had something in mind for a while. I wanted to write a fic based from the current season as opposed to the past which I usually do. Anyway I hope you all enjoy it as much as I like writing it. Luke and Lorelai stories are always fun for me to write, they say a change is sometimes better than a break and I completley agree. _

_Let me know what you think of this fic so I know whether to continue with it. At the minute I have a few things in mind for it though but other idea's are welcomed and appreciated! _

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**1 - Five year stranger  
**

It was a cold December day in Stars Hollow, Kirk was walking the streets with his laptop trying to find a wireless network so he could start up a global wrapping paper business on ebay ; Miss Patty was eyeing up the new postman, Taylor was shouting at snowball-throwing kids in the street and Luke was, as usual working in the diner.

It was a normal day in Stars Hollow right up until the yellow cab pulled up outside the diner and the familiar, yet not-so-familiar woman stepped out with her camera in hand and copper hair blowing in the cool Connecticut wind.

'_Five years and it still hasn't changed'_ Rachel thought as she eyed her surroundings, the town square hadn't changed except for the seasonal festive decoration which could now be seen all around. However the Christmas tree was a decidedly crooked which made her wonder if Taylor was still running things. Turning around she looked inside the diner and unsurprisingly there was Luke serving a customer and she wondered how he'd changed in five years.

When the bell above the diner door rung out Luke didn't seem to notice, months earlier he would have casually glanced up to see if it was _her_…but now he seemed to have drowned the sound out. The diner looked like it had had a makeover in the past five years although she'd have to check about that one because the words makeover and Luke didn't exactly go hand-in-hand.

"What can I…" he started to say a few minutes later when he was back behind the counter but trailed off when he glanced up and realised who was sitting across from him.

"Hey stranger"

"Rachel…hi" he said in barely a whisper as he processed her presence._ 'Why is she here?' _ Rachel looked the same as he remembered, soft brown eyes and long hair which lay around her shoulders. There was no wedding ring so he assumed she hadn't married, or maybe she had been, and like him divorced within five years.

"You remember me, I'm touched" she joked. _'No ring…guess he never married'_

"I could say the same" he countered.

"I was working for a magazine in Hartford, thought I'd stop by the old hood" she explained as if reading his thoughts. Luke had aged since she'd last seen him, his face seemed to have more creases, especially around the eyes and it looked like he hadn't been getting much sleep lately. The baseball cap was new too, it had a weird logo on the front…she didn't like it but she was sure she would tell him later. The flannel was still there though, that made her smile because no matter how long she left for she could always count on Luke for a constant.

"You don't need a reason" he muttered.

"I know"

"It's good to see you" he said, surprising himself by how true the words were and how easily they came out. Last time she had breezed through his doors after years of absence he'd barely been able to get a word out, but then again, a lot had changed. A lot had changed in five years, well a lot but nothing at the same time.

"You too"

"How long are you staying ?"

"I'm not sure. I have no jobs on right now so as long as I want I guess" Rachel answered casually. Truthfully she had just broken up with someone and needed some time to herself, Stars Hollow seemed the best place to escape.

"Where are you staying?"

"That has yet to be decided. I saw a sign for the Dragonfly Inn so I guess I could see if they have a room available" Rachel replied and noticed a split second change in Luke's facial expression as she spoke, even years later and she felt she still knew him by heart.

"They'll be booked through the holidays. You can stay here if you want" he quickly said, somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of Rachel and Lorelai being around each other for any long amount of time. The whole town knew him and Lorelai had broken up, he didn't want Rachel finding out any specific details in fear that she'd want him to discuss it. All he wanted now was to stop being reminded of it and the less he heard about _her _and_ him _the better.

"Are you sure it won't be weird. I mean if you're seeing someone…" she started, curious to see whether there was someone else in the picture.

"I'm not seeing anyone so it's fine, there's a lot more space than the last time you were here so there's a spare bed"

"Really?"

"I bought the building next door and knocked down the wall between the apartments" he explained as he refilled another customer's mug with coffee down the counter from her.

"Well I hope you still kept those curtains" Rachel smiled remembering Luke's very feminine looking curtains from years past. At that comment Luke couldn't help but crack a small grin when he remembered the teasing from years past about his taste in home decor.

It didn't take long for Rachel to make herself at home, within an hour she was behind the counter serving customers like she'd done it everyday in life. News of Rachel's return spread through town like wildfire, many townspeople showing up at the diner to see for themselves that it was true. The big question on all of their minds,_ 'Was this Luke moving on?' _closely followed by_ 'How long was she staying?' _and a silent hope that Luke wouldn't get his heart broken again.

* * *

**  
Hours later…**

Rachel wiped the tables down, well experienced to the routine of closing up the diner after years of being with the habitual creature also known as Luke. They hadn't spoken much that day, the diner had been busier than she could ever remember, however she had a feeling that Miss Patty spreading the word of her return throughout town had something to do with that. Rachel hoped that her and Luke could talk later that night about what he had been up to the past few years, from the rumblings in the diner she knew some things had changed, apparently big. First question she wanted answering was what was happening in April?

* * *

Lorelai and Rory walked through the townsquare on their way back from Weston's where they'd enjoyed many cups of coffee along with a selection of pie to celebrate their last evening together before Rory left for London. It would be the first Christmas that they would be apart and Lorelai was not liking the change at all. 

They hadn't got past the gazebo before they were stopped in the street by Taylor who seemed determined to blame Lorelai for the recent fight between Luke and Christopher in the town's square, even though she hadn't been anywhere near it.

"I hope you had a word to that husband of yours about his behaviour"

"I did, he's grounded for a month and I took away his allowance" Lorelai deadpanned as she crossed her arms across her chest and glanced at Rory was trying not to laugh. Truthfully the situation was anything but funny, her and Christopher had gotten into a pretty nasty argument over the whole thing and it still wasn't resolved. Whenever they fought it seemed Christopher just stormed out of the house, usually returning late and in a less-than-sober state, which just caused them to argue more.

"You think this is funny Lorelai, take a look at that tree. Does that look straight to you? I've had three people trying to fix it so it sits at ninety degrees again but no matter what it still looks crooked" Taylor ranted.

Lorelai humored Taylor and looked over at the tree with a look of amusment, as did Rory. Although when she found her eyes moving in the direction of the diner as they often did she quickly became disinterested in the tree and squinted a little when she saw Luke grinning at someone who stood with their back to the window. It was a woman but she didn't recognize who it was from people in town.

"I hope Rachel can knock some sense into that Luke one too" Taylor grumped, interrupting Lorelais intense gaze.

"Rachel?" Lorelai barely managed to get out. "…she's back?"

"Well I saw her through my shop window working with Luke in the diner so I think so" Taylor replied, oblivious to how his words had caused Lorelai's chest to constrict sharply causing a deep pain. The pain brought on by the realisation that he was indeed moving on, or at least he looked like it.

TBC

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_Reviews are my drug so how's about a fix eh?_

_I also write Lauren Graham/Scott Patterson fics for those of you who don't know, you can find these at the website noted in my profile.  
_


	2. Who's Killing Who

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope y'all had a good day, I sure did...I ate so much though but it was soooo good so I don't care. Anyway hope Santa was good to everyone ;)

Thanks so much for all the reviews so far, it's really good to read people's reactions to the fic, especially the start as it's difficult to know whether to continue! So cheers everyone, you're all legends.

**Tom**: Thanks for the long review, it is good to have your feedback. I thought the return of Rachel would be interesting, I liked her on the show so I don't want to write her as the bad guy...or girl as the case is. Thanks for the suggestions, I've definitley taken them into account when writing this!

**LorLukealways**: I just wonder what Lorelai's reaction would be if she realised that she wasn't the only one who could move on. Maybe she needs a kick in the pants!

**softballgurl09**: I agree, it's time Lorelai felt how Luke did when he found out she was married...could be interesting.

**pishymeow**: Cliffhanger Queen...nice title, I shall try my hardest to live up to it!

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**  
2 - Who's Killing Who?**

_  
"Well I saw her through my shop window working with Luke in the diner so I think so" Taylor replied, oblivious to how his words had caused Lorelai's chest to constrict sharply causing a pain that for months she had been successful in suppressing._

That night Luke and Rachel talked for hours about what they'd been up to. Rachel had almost choked on her tea when she found out Luke had eloped on a cruise ship with a lawyer…she couldn't even imagine it. For a man that was habitual in nature he'd been through a lot in five years, married, divorced, engaged and was a father to a thirteen year old girl. It was obvious to Rachel how much April meant to him the way he spoke about her, proud as any father could be. Although it wasn't hard to see how hurt he was from his and Lorelai's break-up…it seemed the only thing that had kept him going was his daughter.

Luke felt like a small weight had been lifted from him that evening as he spoke to Rachel. For months he had kept to himself with the only person he spoke to being a thirteen year old girl, it was good having an adult to talk to again. Rachel had been in a serious relationship for three years but apparently had just gone through a particularly nasty break-up. He'd told her she could stay as long as she wanted, it was good to have her around again and she had already twisted his arm into letting her work at the diner to thank him for letting her stay. However Luke knew even if he had said no he would still find her down behind the counter conversing with customers and serving food so it wasn't really a choice. It was good timing though because he didn't like asking Lane to work these days due to the pregnancy.

It wasn't until the early hours that they had finally decided to get some sleep and it was then that familiarity was lost. Rachel changed into pyjamas and got into the spare bed while Luke got into his…last time she had been there they had both slept in a single bed together.

**At Lorelai's house...**

Lorelai lay awake for hours that night, her mind reeling by the information that Rachel was back. _Why is she here? How long will she stay this time?_ _Are her and Luke back together?_ She thought, telling herself that she just didn't want Luke to get hurt again. Christopher was working late again which was good, she felt like whenever he was around she just wanted space. Was it natural this soon into marriage that needed space? Christopher stumbled in the door at that moment and she quickly closed her eyes so he would think she was asleep, not curious to know where he'd been. Last time she checked his work didn't involve beer and smoke yet that was exactly what he smelt like.

"Lor" he mumbled as he undressed and climbed into bed. Lorelai pretended to snore, determined not to let him know she was awake as it would result in him wanting to have sex and when she didn't want to it would lead to yet another argument. It seemed the safest thing these days was just to stay out of each other's way_. 'Is this what married life should be like?' _she wondered. Unintentionally she started to imagine how it would have been like to be married to Luke but she quickly stopped herself. _'What the hell are you doing?' _she scolded herself, deciding not to open that can of worms. Over the past few months she hadn't allowed herself to think about Luke, everything that did and didn't happen...what she had done in the end. Whenever she even began to process it she had to stop herself; it hurt too much, maybe she was avoiding the issue but she didn't care, whatever helped her stay numb to it all. 

* * *

The next morning Luke slept in a little due to the late night the evening before but when he woke he found Rachel down in the diner with the morning crowd, wooing them all with tales of Africa and her many other worldly adventures. Half the places he had never even heard of never mind knew where each of them where. That was how it always was though, she was a free spirit and a long time ago he'd grown tired of trying to change that. 

"Hey Luke remember the time we went scuba diving off the coast of Costa Rica?" Rachel interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah and I got stung by a jellyfish and was ordered to stay in bed for twenty-four hours" Luke recalled but grinned a little when he remembered his attempt to show that he could be adventurous too. It was about fifteen years previously when they were going through a rough phase of Rachel wanting more than Stars Hollow...that trip had been his attempt to show her he could leave the small town without self-destructing.

"I don't recall you complaining too much" Rachel chuckled and Luke gave a stern look before he went back into the kitchen. It was an hour or so later during the usual mid-morning lull that Luke told Rachel to take a few hours off to explore; he could tell she was dying to. Each time she returned to the small town it was always fun for her to see if anything in Stars Hollow ever _really _changed.

The first place on Rachel's agenda was the old Dragonfly Inn which she had heard had been restored, by Lorelai which made her even more excited to see it. When she walked up the driveway she was scanning the area in amazement, the place was completely restored, the stables were up and running from the animal noises she could hear as she walked past them. It was no longer the broken-down place she remembered through her photographs. The entry way was very inviting, it had fairy lights hung up around the porch which she could imagine looked beautiful at night time. There was a cold bite in the air that day and it seemed when she walked through the doorway of the country Inn the warmth enveloped her, both literally and metaphorically. As she scanned the traditional interior with the antique furniture and library of books she was interrupted by a foreign man who seemed bothered by her presence. 

"Can I help you Miss?"

"Oh hey how's it going?" she greeted with a friendly smile.

"_Fine_. Now what do you need? an impatient Michel asked, clearly unimpressed by Rachel's decorum.

"Is Lorelai here?" Rachel asked just as Lorelai walked around the corner with a clipboard, pointing things out things as she walked with a handyman following behind her.

"Unfortunately...Lorelai you have company"

"Rachel...hi" Lorelai said in surprise. '_Did Luke send her here?' _she thought but immediately shoved it aside as quickly as it had come into mind.

"Hey Lorelai, long time no see. I just dropped by to see the Inn."

"I didn't know you were back" Lorelai said plastering a fake smile on her face as she lied.

"I got in yesterday. This place looks great, wow who would have thought just five years ago this place was in pieces"

"I know, a lot has changed in five years" Lorelai replied, something in her tone of voice which she herself didn't recognise but she put on a friendly face to cover up whatever hostility toward Rachel that may have come across in her voice.

"So I hear" Rachel replied, not wanting to go into any details of the past five years.

"How long are you here for?"

"Not sure really; I'm enjoying being back so for a while I guess" Rachel shrugged casually, avoiding the subject of Luke as she assumed it was as touchy a subject with her as it was with Luke. Rachel caught Lorelai fiddling with the wedding ring on her finger and quickly looked away, not wanting to discuss the topic of her newlywed status. The previous night Luke had told her about it, well only the single fact that Lorelai was now married and that was enough information for her.

"Cool" _'Nice aversion to the 'L' subject'_

"Would it be okay if I took a few pictures of the place, you know I have the 'before' pictures so it would be nice to have a couple of after one's too?"

"Sure knock yourself out" _'Literally...kidding, of course I'm kidding. How does she make it so difficult to hate her?'_

"Thanks" Rachel smiled and Lorelai turned her attention back to the handyman who was still waiting for the list of everything that needed done around the place. It wasn't like how it was before when Luke was around, he would know what needed fixed before she even realised it was broken...it was different, now she had to make an appointment with Pete whenever she needed even a leaky tap tightened. It seemed everything was different these days...

A few minutes later Chris appeared at the door, they'd agreed to have lunch and she was glad to have a distraction at that moment to take her mind off Rachel's return. Greeting him with a smile and a kiss she brought him into the dining room where Sookie had already got lunch prepared. 

* * *

Rachel returned to the diner a few hours later, not mentioning to Luke where she had spent the afternoon because she didn't want to see that look in his eyes...she knew that look by heart, she'd even caused it a few times in the distant past; each time she told him she was leaving. Although now it seemed that the look echoed much more, the hurt ran much deeper this time; like a big part of him was broken inside. 

The night before as well as discussing his nasty break-up they'd discussed hers and it seemed to help to talk about it, especially to someone she'd been so close to in the past.

"So when am I going to meet this daughter of yours?" Rachel asked as they sat in the almost empty diner that evening.

"Well Anna and I are having some issues right now but she's agreed to let April come to the annual Christmas festival the town has so you can meet her then"

"Since when does Luke Danes do town events?" Rachel queried.

"April likes them" he shrugged. _'Before that Lorelai used to make me go'_

"I can't wait to meet her. So she's a smart one then?"

"Yeah, I don't really know where she gets it but she's a big reader. Maths and science she loves most so I try and read some of her books whenever she stays so I don't feel stupid" Luke casually replied but had a small smile on his face when he thought about her, his bright spot in all the darkness from the past few months.

"That's great, I used to love maths but I didn't like the sciences much"

"Well that's more than me."

"You want to go see a movie tonight?" Rachel asked a few minutes later when the last customers left; remembering that she'd seen a sign outside the bookshop for a movie that night.

"Nah" he waved it off.

"C'mon it'll be fun. This place is empty anyway"

"I don't like movies"

"You need to spend sometime outside this diner it'll do you good"

"I'm _fine_" he assured her.

"Please Luke, it's as much for me as for you. I just want to escape reality for ninety minutes or so without thinking about Keith" Rachel admitted, finding it hard to say his name even. They'd been engaged also, he was a photographer too which seemed perfect for her...turned out it wasn't so perfect.

"Okay fine" he gave in, doubting he would be able to escape his life by watching a movie but anything that would even slightly distract him seemed like a good idea. The two of them closed up the diner and headed over the bookstore where Kirk was standing outside trying to round in the customers. They were showing _'Miracle on 34th street' _that night; Luke had never heard of it. The last time he'd been in the place was with Lorelai, it was when Rory was gone and it was his feeble attempt to cheer her up...it had worked for a while. Driving those thoughts out of his mind as he followed Rachel to their seats. 

* * *

Christopher and Lorelai walked through the town after being at Sookie's for dinner; the place was pretty quiet except for the sound of Kirk's voice echoing throughout the town square about BWR night. 

"Oooh can we go? I love that movie!" Lorelai grinned excitedly and pulled on Chris's sleeve.

"Sure, we were going to have a movie night anyway" he grinned, happy to do whatever as long it didn't involve arguing. They made a stop at Doose's for supplies for Lorelai who apparently needed red vines and marshmallows in order to really enjoy the festive flick. _'Vines are red, Marshmallows are white which are Santa colours...obviously a clear cut sign'_ she argued. As they walked past the diner she glanced over and saw that it was closed which she thought was strange as it was quite early. When Chris noticed her looking at the diner with that somewhat distant look he put an arm around her shoulder possessively and directed her towards the bookstore.

There were about eight people already in but Lorelai didn't investigate who was there and just walked straight to her favorite big red couch, nicknamed _'Big red'_ and Chris followed.

It was Rachel who spotted Lorelai first but Luke turned around a second later to see what she was looking at; his chest tightened when he saw _her_ and _him _hand-in-hand.

"Hey" Rachel said uneasily to Lorelai when she was spotted, Luke's body tensed beside her.

"Hi" Lorelai replied and Chris looked between the women curiously, wondering who the woman with Luke was. Whenever Lorelai made no effort to introduce him he decided to do it himself.

"Hi, I'm Christopher, Lorelai's _husband_" Chris delighted himself in saying, shooting a taunting glance at Luke as he shook Rachel's hand.

"Rachel" was all she replied hastily, already disliking the guy for the pleasure he was taking in Luke's pain.

"Do you want to go?" Rachel whispered in Luke's ear but he shook his head stubbornly, determined not to let Chris get the better of him. In return he felt Rachel's hand rub the top of his, not in a romantic sense but just her way of showing that she was there if he needed her. He gave hers a small squeeze to show that he appreciated it.

Lorelai stood idly by as she watched the awkward interaction; fuming with Chris for his dig at Luke. _'How damn childish and immature can he be?' _she screamed inside but wasn't about to make a scene in the bookstore...it would be brought up later. When Chris attempted to help her off with her coat he was greeted with a icy cold glare. As she went to sit down she spotted Luke squeezing or holding Rachel's hand, she wasn't sure which but either way it caused a relapse in the painful feeling in her chest from the night before.

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_I'm think I'll update before New Years but if for some reason I don't I hope everyone has a fun night and I'll see ya next year! _

_You know you want to...I thought so yeah - leave a review !_


	3. Might As Well Be Strangers

Well guys I sincerely apologise for the lack of updating but I have a good excuse. I have been very ill in bed for the past 2 weeks, yesterday was the first day I was up and about the house. Just had no energy/motivation to work while being sick. Anyway I'm on the road to recovery so that's why you're _finally_ getting an update.

Anyone who reads my other fic, _'Affair to Remember'_, it will be updated soon too!

Anyway just a few shoutouts…

**Tom** thanks so much for your reviews, I always love them. You always put such effort into making them long and detailed with your very appreciated opinions so thank you for that. Rachel is back as a friend, I'm not going to put her as competition to Lorelai, more of an ally for Luke and just someone he can turn to. I never thought about it until recently, but without Lorelai Luke doesn't really have someone he can confide in so I felt sad for him…y'know cos in my mind he's a real person lol. Anyway I just hope that you will also like this chapter.

**Rollsdownhill** firstly never commented on the screen name, very cool! Also I didn't know you couldn't review twice, so guess I learn something new everyday. Thanks for trying though. If you need to get in contact you can send me an email or something, my address is in my profile…I think.

**SmileyGGfan**, first question…are you still a GG fan with a smile? Due to recent episodes I'm certainly not. To be honest I'm not even looking forward to new episodes that much, it's quite sad.

**Oh-no-she-di'ent** – I hate Christopher also and I agree. He's weak, whiny and self-involved…don't know what Lorelai sees in him when she had Luke. She obviously has a lot to learn. I agree about the chris-worshipping on the show, it's like people have forgotten all the other seasons and what a jackass he was/is.

**Cindy** – In the spirit of Christmas and the other twelve months of the year I will indeed find some sort of way to get rid of Chris. MAC truck anyone? Jk jk.

**GMB loves Angel** – I'm sure Chris would do whatever he could to take a dig at Luke, grrr. Haha yeah I feel sorry for Rory too, I think Chris always used Rory to remain close to Lorelai.

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**  
3 – Might As Well Be Strangers**

The rest of the movie was spent in silence between Lorelai and Chris, it was the first time in a while that she didn't feel like mocking anything in the movie or commenting on the cute clothing. Chris moved his arm around her shoulders but she didn't relax herself into his touch. A while later when he turned to kiss her during a romantic scene in the movie his lips touched nothing but her cold cheek.

Luke and Rachel sat nearby, him trying to concentrate on the movie playing and Rachel constantly looking to check that Luke was okay.

"Would you please stop looking at me" Luke muttered after what seemed like the thousandth time that Rachel had glanced in his direction. He knew what she was doing, same thing the whole town did whenever the 'newlyweds' were anywhere near his vicinity. Deep down he was glad to have support from the town but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Just a year ago it had been Lorelai and him who were getting married, hell at times it seemed like they already were and just months later there she was...married to _him_.

"I'm just making sure you're okay" she soothed.

"You think sometime you're going to turn around and see me crying or something?" he countered.

"Well Luke in the past five years you could have become a crier" she joked, feeling better when she caught a small grin playing on the edge of his lips.

"I have _not_ become a _crier_"

"Okay" she smiled, happy with herself that she had made him smile just a little.

When the credits rolled at the end of the movie it was Luke who first stood up, obviously having been anxious to leave since the start but he wasn't about to give _him_ the satisfaction. Luke didn't even need to say anything to Rachel, without a word she stood up next to him, linked an arm through his and led him out of the bookstore without a backwards glance.

-l-l-l-l-l

Lorelai caught a glimpse of Luke as he was leaving, Rachel had an arm linked through his and he looked like he couldn't get out of the place fast enough. Her mind went back to a time years ago when she'd seen Luke and Rachel in the bookstore to see a movie together, it was soon after she'd told Luke to give Rachel a chance and next thing she knew they were a hand-in-hand, PDA-ing couple. Years ago seeing Luke with Rachel or any other woman gave her a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach but these days there was nothing funny about it. It hurt so much to think of him being intimate with someone else, to cook for someone else or even just sitting watching television. _'Hypocrite'_ she thought when she turned her attention back to her husband…she still couldn't get used to calling him that.

Christopher watched Lorelai watch her ex leave and part of him wanted to grab her and scream in frustration, another part made him wanted to kill Luke so he never came between them again but the issue of prison stopped him...plus the added factor that Luke was stronger than him. Honestly he wished they could leave the town and never look back, unfortunately he didn't seem to be able to talk Lorelai into it. However he would definitely keep trying.

"You ready?" Lorelai asked glancing to her husband.

"Sure" _'Now that you notice I'm still here'_

* * *

_  
_

Luke and Rachel walked back to the diner in a comfortable silence, neither in the mood to do any sort of analysis of what happened in the movie or about the situation in the bookstore. The two of them went upstairs to the apartment and as Rachel took a seat on the couch Luke grabbed a beer for each of them from the fridge.

-l-l-l-l-l

An hour passed and it seemed to Rachel that Luke was determined to forget _everything_ for an evening; well she was sure there was just one person he wanted to forget. As the time passed and the blood alcohol level increased, each of them began to dwell on their problems, well Luke did anyway.

"Why couldn't they just move away somewhere? I mean when people get _married _that's what they do. But no they're living in the house that _I_ had renovated for _us_!" Luke started to rant as he slammed the beer bottle on the coffee table in frustration.

"Luke c'mon" Rachel said in a soft tone to try and calm him down. He'd had a lot more to drink than her; she figured one of them should be of sound mind so they didn't do something stupid.

"He thinks he can buy Lorelai and everyone else in this town. How could she marry him after what we had...what I _thought_ we had." Luke asked as he stormed over to fridge and pulled another beer from the fridge, he'd lost count long ago as to how many he'd had.

"Take it easy. You're going to have such a hangover tomorrow" she said helping him back to the couch after he stumbled over the chair.

"I don't care anymore. I really don't y'know? I like this beer though it's good. It's been a while since I've been this..." he trailed off.

"...drunk?" Rachel hinted as she moved the remainder of the beer from the fridge to under the sink. _'He won't remember there was another pack' _

"Yeah that's it." He said chuckling in spite of himself. There had been a few times in the recent months were he had considered going out with the prime objective of getting drunk. However he never followed that impulse. When Lorelai had stopped by the hospital and he'd spotted the wedding ring it was his first thought, anything to forget for an evening. Of course he ignored the strong impulse as he had more important issues on his mind; his daughter's well-being was his paramount concern.

Tonight though, he just was tired of being his usual self and dealing with it all. For once he just wanted to be irresponsible and not think about everything; all his past mistakes…her mistakes, whether she would refer to them as that he doubted.

"Rachel what are you up to?" Luke called out, wondering where she had gone.

"Just clearing some stuff in the kitchen" she answered as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. She was a little tipsy but definitely a lot more aware than Luke was.

"You're my guest so just sit down. I'll clean later"

"Is there anything you want to talk about Luke?" she asked. He seemed to start ranting and then stop himself to begin stewing in his own thoughts.

"Mmm yes, you're very pretty. You always were, but I forgot how much" Luke muttered as he played with the bottom of her hair. Something about the moment reminded him of how they used to be when they were younger; he used to love to just run his fingers through her hair. It always surprised him just how soft it was.

"Oh yeah? Thanks" she laughed, knowing it was the alcohol talking but it was sweet. Luke was a sweet guy, sure he tried to hide it but he was always there when she needed him. If she was halfway across the world and needed something, no matter how things ended between them when she left…he would always come through.

"Yeah, I like your eyes, they're hazel…not many people have hazel eyes"

"We are a dying breed" _'Basically they're not blue like a certain someone's that's why you like them so much now'_ she thought, feeling instantly sorry for him.

"You want another beer?" he asked clambering over to the fridge but finding no beer. Scratching his head in confusion when he couldn't see any '_I could have sworn I had more'_

"Yeah sure" she replied knowing well that she'd hidden the beer.

"Sorry I'm all out, we'll go to Doose's" he said walking over to grab her hand and started heading towards the door.

"Luke it's fine we don't need anymore, plus its late Doose's will be closed" she reasoned and pulled him back.

"Dammit" he muttered turning back so he was facing Rachel, their hands still joined.

It was a moment she was afraid of happening, although she couldn't deny that part of her was curious after years of going without it. The way he was looking at her, the way she suspected she was looking back at him was something she'd expected before she'd arrived…but not after she'd grasped the situation. When he leaned in to kiss her she stopped him with her hands flat on his chest and a questioning look.

"Rachel…" was all he said in the very low husky tone that used to be so familiar to her. It was strange hearing it now, it brought her back to a time years ago when she yearned for it.

"Luke" was all she replied, looking down at her hands on his chest. When she brought her gaze up to meet his she realized how much he'd missed a human connection. All day everyday he was around people but yet he was still missing a human touch, someone to want him. She wasn't sure whether she wanted it as much as he did or just wanted to be the one to help him like he'd helped her so many times, but when she leaned in and captured his lips with hers it felt like something that they both needed.

The act that followed was something they both remembered well, it was a routine they once knew by heart. Back in a time when they each knew what the other liked and how they liked it. It was comfortable and somewhat mechanical because of its familiarity; neither of them had to learn anything new. It was love once, two lives intertwined as one…now they both knew it was nothing but comfort and the need for a human connection.

* * *

** The next morning…**

Luke woke up the next morning with a bad headache and memories of the night before. His bed and apartment however were absent of Rachel and for a second he wondered if maybe she'd left, something that wouldn't have surprised him but he would have hated to think that she left because of what happened between them. When he noticed her camera case and some reels of film on the kitchen table he realised that she was probably just down in the diner working…where _he _should be.

Sure enough when he dressed and went downstairs he found Rachel in the diner tending to the regulars, including Kirk who was dressed up as Santa Clause. _'I don't even want to guess'_ he thought.

"Morning" Rachel smiled when she returned to the counter and wasn't surprised to get a shy nod in return. It seemed like a blast from the past when she'd woken that morning and had him next to her. Even more so when she'd pulled on his flannel shirt and went down to work in the diner, just like she'd done so many times before. However that just was what it was, in the past and as fun as it had been with Luke, the past was where their relationship would remain.

It was a few hours of awkward interaction between the two. When the mid-morning lull began Rachel took the opportunity to take Luke into the store room for a talk, away from the prying ears of Kirk and Miss Patty.

"So we should talk" she explained.

"Yeah I guess" he mumbled rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"Luke it happened, we're both going though things, trying to get over people…"

"I just feel like I used you" he said in an awkward tone like it was a secret he was ashamed of.

"Luke, it's _me_, you think I'd let you use me? We were _both_ lonely, it takes two to tango or whatever they say" she explained, surprised that he would even think that. _'She did a real number on you buddy'_

"I guess"

"It was one night, it doesn't mean we're in love; it just means we're just…uh closer friends?" she said, laughing at herself when she couldn't think of the end of the sentence.

"So it's not going to be awkward?"

"Not from my side" she shrugged casually showing him that everything would be the same as it had been.

"Okay good" he said, letting himself relax a little, a small grin playing on the edge of his lips for a split second before he motioned toward the diner.

* * *

**11.45 am - Doose's market**

Lorelai walked through the market with her cart, she'd decided not to bring Christopher along this time since he just took out the food she put in and replaced it with a healthier option anyway…she never usually realised until she got home. Lorelai was sure at some stage during their 'honeymoon' period (which surprisingly she counts as the time _before_ they were married) she would have found the grocery thing endearing, but now it was just _annoying_.

As she walked down the aisle examining the cereals in the aisle and just how much sugar she could intake with one bowl she heard the local gossips in the next aisle. Miss Patty, Babette and Mrs Casini were all debating the subject of Luke and Rachel, part of her wanted to run out of the store while singing at the top of her lungs and covering her ears. However the masochist in her stayed in the aisle to listen…

"I saw her come down in Luke's flannel shirt this morning"

"…and then they disappeared into the store room for a while earlier" Miss Patty added, seemingly pleased with herself that she'd stayed in the diner long enough to get that piece of gossip.

"Luke _was _in a better mood this morning. He didn't shout at Kirk once"

"Kirk said they were on a date last night, went to see a movie and were holding hands during"

"Plus he was late down to the diner this morning; Rachel was up before him"

"…poor honey he must have been very tired from _whatever _they did last night" Miss Patty said in a suggestive tone and the other two women laughed.

At that point Lorelai abandoned her eavesdropping position and left the cart in the aisle before quickly leaving the store. _'I don't need food that badly' _she reasoned as she quickly walked home, keeping her eyes to the ground to avoid any townspeople. Last thing she needed was to get caught up in a conversation when all she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed.

As she walked with her eyes down she spotted the shiny object on her left hand and stopped. _'You're married now, you can't think like this'_ a voice in her head argued and she almost made herself go back to the market to face her demons but she couldn't. Not yet anyway, there were only so many _details_ she could take…anymore and she might just crack. That wasn't an option – not anymore.

* * *

Thanks for all the great reviews, you guys all rock. Just remember the more reviews I get and the faster I get them, the sooner it is you'll get the next update. Also the more lengthy and genuine your review is, the more I enjoy reading them so write what you want to say. No matter what, I _am_ listening. 

Next chapter: Christmas town festival. Luke & Lorelai scenes!


	4. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Hey guys!

First things first...

**ProFfeSseR –**I agree, Christopher and Lorelai were never going to last and even though I know this it still bothers me. I swear I am way too involved with this show. A little bit of jealously always gets things moving. Always wanted Rachel back in the show, I liked her, well just as a friend to Luke.

**Wendy** – Wow it's been a while. Ireland was good, over in England now at uni though, been really busy with exams and projects. Today is the first time I've been online in a while when I was working. How is PA? Good I hope! Lol yes my S/L stories have suffered lately although I have had three quarters of the BTR chapter done for a while now, just haven't been able to finish it. Will update this weekend if I can get in touch with Kasia. Lorelai has made a lot of stupid mistakes in the last 2 seasons, I still hate that she married Chris and keeps this stupid marriage thing up. I want LL together but I don't want her to think she can just pick up with Luke where she left off.

**Gilmorian** – Thanks so much for the long review, it was great to read and get your opinion on GG. I'm glad to know you've been reading my other fics too. I apologise for the late updates, exam time is crazy with college. I loved your take on why Lorelai did what she did, I agree with your points on why she did what she did. Luke and Lorelai both played a part in what happened, I think she just put the final nail in the coffin when she slept with Christopher. These days I just hate the fact that her and Christopher got married. It was a rebound thing and she'll regret it. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and I look forward to reading your review!

**Mochachocoholik** - Do I like playing with your emotions? Lol is this a trick question? It is an angsty fic but I always like reading those one's most so I thought I'd do one for myself. I don't think I've written this much angst before to be honest. It won't go on forever though. I won't write Christopher as a complete douche, he does a good enough job of living up to that himself lol.

**smileyGGfan** – Luke was totally stronger, if he set his mind to it he could wipe the floor with Christopher! I didn't know how you all were going to take the Rachel/Luke sex thing but I thought the story needed it. For Luke to begin to understand that sleeping with someone doesn't always have to mean something. Plus after all these months I think Luke was in need of the 'human connection'.

**Rollsdownhill** – How did those chilli cheese fries turn out? Hah that was a funny review.

**Robinpoppin**s – Thanks for the review. I have just started reading your fic; the name of it has gone from my mind right now but it's amazing so far so I'll be reviewing to yours pretty soon. Keep up the fabulous work! Enjoy this chap :)

**Oh-no-she-di'ent** – I will definitely try not to rush it. Lorelai is in denial, she needs to wake up and smell the roses. I think the last episode aired was definitely the beginning of the end of C/L I think. Hope you're feeling better after your illness!

* * *

-**  
Who I am Hates who I've Been  
** -**  
**

Lorelai spent the rest of the day in her house, she'd resolved the lack of food situation by ordering pizza but when it arrived she didn't feel like eating it. '_Since when have you not been in the mood for pizza?'_ she'd asked herself.

Christopher left for Paris that morning to bring Gigi home; he was excited about their first Christmas as a family. She thought she would have been too, hell she had even convinced herself of it with the power of mental manipulation.

With Christopher gone she had some time to herself which she liked; these days she felt like she didn't have any. The fact that Christopher and his daughter now lived with her still hadn't sunk in completely; truthfully she missed the times when it was just her and Rory. _'At least you're not alone' _a tiny voice in her head pointed out. It seemed weak that it was important to her that she wasn't alone again, after so many months of feeling lonely with Luke she didn't want to do feel it again. Unfortunately she had forgotten how lonely you could still feel in a room filled with people.

For so many months she had waited in hope that Luke would decide to stay at her place, (well actually it was theirs) rather than at the diner…many times the hope went without any sort of reward. These days Christopher came home every evening without fail, sometimes for the afternoon if he wanted to spend some time with her…so why wasn't she happy?

Lorelai knew the answer, she'd known since she'd gotten back from Paris, maybe even before that. However it wasn't since the return of the familiar '_Elle MacPherson kind of pretty' _that she had begun to address those feelings…she would have tried to blank them out longer if she'd known how torturous they'd be.

* * *

The diner was busy all day because of the festival that evening; Luke was tired of hearing about the damn thing but the fact that April would be there made him tolerate all the town people and their crazy ways. 

As Rachel had promised, things between them hadn't changed any since they'd slept together. He was glad; last thing he needed was to drive yet another woman out of his life. It had been good having her around recently, recently he'd felt like he had no-one to talk to…especially since Anna had stopped him from seeing April.

"You excited to see April" Rachel said interrupting his thoughts as she refilled a customers coffee mug.

"Yeah" he said grinning to himself.

"I can't wait to meet her"

"She's great, really smart y'know…must have got that from her mom's side"

"What are you talking about; I remember you back in school…you were good in history"

"Good? Yeah I didn't fail that's about all I managed"

"Maybe she's_ really_ good at running track"

"She doesn't do sports" he deadpanned.

"Okay I'm out" she said holding her hands up in mock surrender. Honestly she was excited to meet the girl she'd heard so much about; plus seeing Dad Luke would be a nice change for her. Thinking back years she couldn't remember him ever being around kids; well there was his sister's kid Jess but all he talked about back then was the jam hands all over his apartment whenever they left.

An hour later Luke left the diner to go pick April up for the festival. Anna gave him the cold shoulder when he came to the door, telling him quickly what time she wanted April back by and warning him not to be late. Of course he agreed and thanked her for letting him spend some time with his daughter.

* * *

**-  
Stars Hollow Christmas Festival 2006  
-  
**

The whole town square was lit up, there were booths everywhere with the town people all dressed in some sort of festive clothing. It hadn't snowed yet which was strange because it snowed every year at this time, at least for the past ten years anyway.

Lorelai walked slowly up the street toward the festivities; she wished more than anything that Rory could have been there to share it with her but unfortunately her daughter had a life which included a boyfriend in London. A year ago they were setting up the 'the amazing Doggy Swami'booth together. That was the same time that she had found out about April and Luke cancelled their wedding…well technically they postponed it, but a new date was never set.

"Lorelai would you like to sit on my lap?" Kirk asked when he came up dressed as Santa, the suit was much too big on him… he looked like he was drowning in the suit.

"Um no thanks"

"I'm just asking because I think adults should get the opportunity as well as the children"

"I'm fine Kirk, why don't you go ask Patty"

"She already did, my leg cramped that's why I had to go for a walk" he explained.

"Okay well you should get back" she said plastering a smile on her face and pointing to the line of kids who were patiently waiting next ton the Santa's grotto that they had set up next to the gazebo_. 'Chris is right, this place is crazy'_

* * *

Luke spent the whole ride back to the diner listening to April tell him all about what had been going on with school and how she had done in her latest science project. He interjected every few moments to agree with her or answer a question she had; most of the time he was happy just listening to her happy chatter about current events.

When they got to the diner he glanced inside and saw Rachel starting to close up.

"April I want you to meet an old friend of mine" he explained as he followed her in.

"I guess you are April, very honored to finally meet you. I'm Rachel" Rachel smiled, introducing herself to Luke's daughter before he got the chance.

"Hi. So are you my dad's new girlfriend?"

"Actually I'm an old girlfriend of your dads; he's a very good friend still so I'm just here for a visit"

"Oh that's nice. Are you staying long? I know Lane is pregnant so it's good that you're helping out here. I've offered to come by after school to help as well but dad says no"

"I don't need the help April" Luke grinned, he'd told her a hundred times that the diner was fine but it was still nice that she worried about him. It reminded him a little of the relationship that he had with his own father, after his mom died he would always skip school to help out around the store. Even though he wasn't big on the hardware business just spending time with his dad and helping out was enough for him.

"Yeah yeah so you say. So can we go over to the festival yet?" April asked, glancing out the window to all the people outside already enjoying themselves.

"I'll close up here and see you out there" Rachel said just as he was about to say he had to close up.

"Thanks" he smiled and she just gave him a wink.

"Come on dad"

It was half an hour before Rachel joined them outside; of course she had armed herself with her camera. She'd noticed there were no pictures of Luke and April in his apartment; she planned to change that. As she walked over to them she took a couple of photos just with him grinning down at her; another at her rolling her eyes to something he'd said.

"Rachel can you see if you can beat dad" April interrupted when she handed her a small bean bag and pointed at the cans on the stand that she guessed she had to knock over.

"I've been beaten three times."

"I'll try but I'm not great at sports" Rachel explained just before she threw the beanbag and completely missed the cans.

"You're the worse than me" April said and the three of them laughed.

* * *

Lorelai walked through the festival chatting to the towns people; Sookie and her spent a while laughing at Kirk when he tried to make Taylor sit on his knee which resulted in Taylor chasing after him…who knew Kirk was so fast. _'Fear of Taylor can do that' _Sookie commented.

Jackson and Sookie were running a fruit and vegetable booth; she was explaining which dishes they could use each vegetable which. Lorelai however was distracted by a scene over in the next booth between Luke, April and Rachel as they played one of the games. _'Luke doesn't play games'_ she thought, trying to argue against what she could clearly see for with her own two eyes. If someone had told her about it maybe she may have succeeded in that feat; however watching it happen was another story. They all laughed together at that point when Rachel threw a beanbag and completely missed the small bottles she was aiming for…they looked like a family. It didn't go unnoticed by her or a few other townspeople who were all watching them; looking pleased with themselves that they had gotten what they predicted.

A knife in the gut, Chinese torture, boiling her eyeballs…it seemed like what she was feeling at that moment was similar to those types of pain. How she was feeling was wrong; she knew it. The ring on her finger was now just a painful reminder of what she had done, she hadn't moved on…she'd taken all the steps towards it but yet her heart was still with him, still in that small apartment above the diner.

Sookie had known Lorelai long enough to know when she was upset and it didn't take Einstein to figure out exactly why as she glanced over to the booth close to them to see the happy scene being played out. _'Maybe this is what she finally needed to see' _she thought. Lorelai had pushed her feelings for Luke to the back of her mind and convinced herself that she loved Chris; Sookie knew otherwise, she just wasn't sure when Lorelai was going to realise it for herself. Apparently seeing Luke looking happy with another woman, a woman Lorelai knew had meant a lot to him in his past, seeing them all looking like a family had shaken her to the core.

Lorelai still stared at the three of them at the booth, it was like a car accident; she knew it was going to be bad but she couldn't look away. It was only when Rachel noticed her staring at them that she quickly changed her focal point to the ground.

"You okay sweetie?" Sookie asked, rubbing her arm as if it would soothe her.

"Yeah, just going to go get some candy floss" she said faking a smile before quickly walking away.

As she stood in the candy floss queue she kept her gaze to the ground, safest not to catch anyone's eye because she was in no mood for small talk. Kirk had just started DJing and had started with 'The Offspring'…apparently his mother had confiscated his CD's so he didn't have any Christmas music with him. Why wasn't she surprised?

Lorelai was on her way back to Sookie with two sticks of candy floss in her hand, subconsciously hoping that all the candy she had been eating would induce some sort of sugar coma. It was the only way she could picture herself getting any sleep that night.

_"Now that I've worn out,  
I've worn out the world  
I'm on my knees in fascination…"_

The song had only played for a few seconds but already both Luke and Lorelai knew what it was. Luke wasn't a 'music guy', his knowledge was mostly what he had picked up from Lorelai's extensive CD collection which she brought along anytime they went somewhere in the car. However this song…he knew it very well.

That song held a lot of memories for them; it was where it all started, that's when Lorelai had thought about dating Luke…when he'd told her he could be a 'movie guy'. On their one year anniversary she had put on that same song and made him dance with her, as much as he grumped she knew he enjoyed it as much as she did.

_"Looking through the night  
And the moon's never seen me before  
But I'm reflecting light…"_

Luke who was winning the third out of three games with Rachel stopped when he heard the song; all the memories flooding back into his mind. This didn't go unnoticed by either Rachel or April.

"You okay dad?" she asked but Luke didn't hear her; his mind was somewhere else. He found himself scanning the town square just to be able to see her, even for just a second was better than nothing.

"April you want a drink?" Rachel asked; the young girl nodded in reply and asked Luke who answered this time. She excused herself to get drinks and left the two of them to have some alone time, deciding it was time to do something about this situation…maybe it wouldn't turn out well but if there was still a chance then she would take it.

* * *

Rachel found Lorelai sitting on the bridge which crossed the small town lake; she was crying into her hands. 

"Hi"

"Oh hey" Lorelai sniffed; feeling intensely awkward at that moment and tried to hide her tears but to no avail.

"Can I sit?"

"Um sure" she muttered, unsure of what was needed to be said. The two of them sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Rachel decided to speak.

"I just want you to know I don't judge you for anything that happened between you and Luke. From what he's told me you both played your part in it" Rachel said in a steady tone, her eyes constant in their gaze out to the dark lake.

"Thanks" she said in a low whisper. There was just one question that Lorelai wanted to ask her, but she wasn't sure she even wanted to know the answer.

"Luke and I aren't back together" Rachel said, answering the question that Lorelai was too scared to ask. Trying to continue the conversation without letting her know that would be like trying to ignore the elephant in the room.

"You're not?" she replied, releasing the breath that she hadn't even been aware that she was holding.

"No. Just went through a rough break-up myself. I'm here as a friend to Luke."

"I'm sure he's glad to have you around"

"I think so" she asked, not up for the pretending game anymore.

"How is he?"

"He's…getting by"

"I hurt him" Lorelai said, her eyes welling up with fresh tears as she thought about the look on his face that morning when he had turned up at the house wanting them to run off and elope. Four words was all it took to literally break the man she had seen as a pillar of strength for so long.

"Can I ask you something?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"…Yeah"

"Why did you get married?"

Lorelai didn't answer right away; honestly the reasons were a giant blur to her now. Had it really ever sounded like a good idea marrying Chris? If it had then she had long since forgotten those times; she guessed those moments she'd considered the marriage as a good idea were fleeting at best.

"The million dollar question I've been sitting here asking myself. I guess I gave up on Luke, he didn't want to marry me and Christopher did…I thought it would make me forget everything. It did distract me for a while but now it's just made everything worse." She said. Surprising herself by saying it all out loud to a near stranger, her closest friends and even her only daughter had not become privy to this level of confession. Her voice hitched at some points as she choked back the tears that were threatening to fall yet again.

"People make mistakes; I know Luke doesn't blame you for everything that happened. He cut you off for so long, he took you for granted and it led to…well what happened."

"He said that?" she said, a stray tear finding itself wandering down her cold cheek.

"Yeah"

"I don't know what to do" she said resting her head in her hands as the weight of the decision she had to make started to down on her. Well she'd basically already made the decision; it was just the following through that was going to be the problem.

"I think you need to talk to your husband"

"Yeah…"

"Well I should get back" she said standing up from the bridge.

"Thanks Rachel"

"No problem, just try…make yourself happy and if that's with Luke then fight for it. No matter what he says, he still loves you" she said, choosing her words carefully because she didn't want it to seem as if Lorelai could snap her fingers and Luke would be back. Knowing Luke and speaking from experience he wouldn't be quick to jump back into something that had hurt badly before. Lorelai would need to prove herself to him and vice versa if they were even to have a chance.

Rachel bought a couple of drinks and headed to where Luke and April were, checking out Babette and Morey's booth near the gazebo.

"We thought you'd gotten lost" April said when Rachel turned up.

"Well we photographers often get sidetracked; I ended up taking some pictures of the festival. Plus it's Stars Hollow, three right turns and you're back in the town square. I don't even think Stevie Wonder could get lost here"

"Good point" April agreed.

"Any good ones?" Luke asked about the pictures.

"Yeah, I'll show you both them later"

"Can you teach me some stuff about photography; I've always been quite interested in it."

"Of course, why not a quick lesson now"

"Can I dad?"

"Sure go ahead" he nodded and let them walk off into the busier part of the market to get some candid photos of townspeople. Luke contemplated going back into the diner for some peace but decided against it, knowing once he went in he would be followed by town people wanting coffee or food. Instead he walked to one of his favourite places in town; funnily enough it turned out to be one of Jess's favourite spots as well while he had lived there, the lake. When he crossed the town's square and down the small lane to the wooden bridge he didn't see Lorelai until he was just a few metres away.

Lorelai had heard the vague sound of footsteps on the bridge and hoped whoever it was would walk past and ignore her. Whenever the person stopped and made no other move she glanced up, fully prepared to make a snappy comment like _'Take a picture, it'll last longer' _but when she saw who it was all words flew from her mind.

"Hi" she managed to get out, her hands moving to try and wipe around her eyes, knowing she probably looked like death warmed up.

"Hi" he said, swallowing hard at the sight of her. She'd been crying, there were mascara stains down her face and her eyes were dark. She was but a shadow of the woman he remembered…had he done that to her?

* * *

___ So what did you think? The good, the bad and the ugly._

___ What did people think of this weeks episode? I was glad Chris found the letter. Everytime I hear Lorelai say ILY to Chris I want to shoot myself. It's like __'Hello salt, meet wound'_ _kind of thing. The letter was great, perfect way to get the LL ball rolling. I loved Luke's face when he was listening to it being read out. I think at the end of the episode was a 'Wow' moment for Lorelai, realisation? I hope so._

___ Lauren Graham being made a producer of Gilmore Girls, hope you all caught that. Proud of her! _

___ BTR will be updated this weekend, just need to get in touch with my updater Kasia! And the next chap of this chapter is started so hopefully won't take long to update. Last two weeks have been nuts. Architecture is such an intensive course, grrrr. _

___Anyway please review my pretties xx _


	5. The Right To Write Me Off

**5 – The Right To Write Me Off**

_Hey strangers! Well no that would be me who's the stranger around here. Finally finished the next chapter of the fic. Things have been hectic lately and have just been starting to die down a bit the past week. Next chapter has been started and will all  
being well be posted on Sunday/Monday. My other fics will also be updated too (finally)._

_Thanks to everyone who's stuck around and continued to read, I apologise for the hold-up!_

_Cat xx_

* * *

Lorelai had heard the vague sound of footsteps on the bridge and hoped whoever it was would walk past and ignore her. Whenever the person stopped and made no other move she glanced up, fully prepared to make a snappy comment like _'Take a picture, it'll last longer' _but when she saw who it was all words flew from her mind._  
_

"Hi" she managed to get out, her hands moving to try and wipe around her eyes, knowing she probably looked like death warmed up.

"Hi" he said, swallowing hard at the sight of her. She'd been crying, there were mascara stains down her face and her eyes had very faint but still visible dark circles under them. She seemed a mere shadow of the woman he remembered.

There a few moments of uncomfortable silence, the two of them hadn't been alone since that day on her porch and that fact didn't go unnoticed by either of them.

"Need a break from the craziness?" Lorelai asked, motioning back towards the festival.

"Something like that" he nodded. After everything that had happened between them there was still a part of him that wanted to comfort her but the other part; the part that was still haunted by their memories stopped him from doing so.

"You going to sit down because my neck is starting to hurt" she asked, trying to use humour to ease the tension but it fell flat. Without a word he took a seat next to her, his legs hung over the side of the bridge and for a few seconds he distracted himself by skimming the toes of his boots over the surface of the water.

"Rory's in London" she blurted out to pierce the somewhat deafening silence. The subject of her daughter was pretty neutral territory so she went with that as the safest course of conversation.

"How come?" he queried.

"Visiting Logan"

"Same kid then"

"Yeah, he's actually not too bad." Lorelai said, surprising herself in how much she'd actually grown to like the kid or at least grown so that she didn't _dislike_ him anymore. Rory was happy and that's all that truly mattered to her.

"That's good"

"How's… Doula?" she asked, in her head she'd been going to ask about April but went with the safer and less controversial option first.

"She's good; Liz and TJ seem to be getting on well with her."

"And April?" Lorelai asked; her voice a little unsteady.

"…She's good. Anna wants to move to Mexico so we're going to trial soon about it" he replied quickly, trying to hide how he was feeling about the whole thing. Truth was he was scared to death of the judge taking one look at him and granting full custody of April to Anna.

"_You_ hired a lawyer?" Lorelai said, a small smile playing on the edge of her lips.

"Apparently they're required in court" he muttered, in no mood to be joking around with her about the irony in him hiring a lawyer.

"Yeah so I hear" she replied quietly and an uncomfortable silence fell between them for a few moments.

"So Rachel's back?" _'Duh'_ she thought kicking herself for the idiotic question; although it was the only way she could think of to broach the subject.

"Yeah she's back for now" he replied after a few moments.

"That's good?" Lorelai added after waiting a few seconds for Luke to add something to the conversation but getting nothing but silence from him. _'It's like getting blood out of a stone.'_

"It's good to have her around again; she can fit in anywhere she goes so she's been helping me out around the diner again. It's good to have some…company" he said, choosing his words carefully. Although part of him, the same part that had wanted to comfort her before had wanted to see if she was jealous about his ex being back in town.

"Right" Lorelai replied in a quiet tone because she couldn't help but think about the two of them in that small apartment together every night. Sure, Rachel had said they weren't back together and she was just there as a 'friend' but Lorelai knew better than most people how history could repeat itself.

"So where's your _husband_?" Luke asked, almost choking on the word as he said it.

"France, he's there collecting Gigi from Sherri's" she said, closing her eyes when she heard him say 'husband'…it had never sounded right when people referred to Christopher as her husband and it sounded even worse when Luke said it. Her heart literally constricted in her chest with the use of word.

"Well isn't that a pity" he muttered, a strong undercurrent of anger and sarcasm in his tone.

"So this is how it's going to be from now on?" She replied in a tone barely above a whisper.

"I don't see it being any other way"

"We were friends once" she reasoned half-heartedly.

"Do you really think we can go back there?"

"I don't know, I just…I miss it" Lorelai said, her gaze moving to her feet as they hung over the bridge. Luke knew Lorelai wanted to start repairing things between them but when she said she missed their friendship it made him angry more than anything. She'd gone off and gotten married in Paris, Luke had spent weeks in his apartment alone with the occasional company of his crazy sister, her insane husband a thirteen year old girl. _'She thinks she can have everything just how she wants it'_ he thought angrily.

"It's never going to go back there and I don't want it to. You got married to _him _and you moved him into the house_ I_ renovated for _us_. I won't want to hear about him or your lives together because I don't have any respect for him or your relationship" he practically spat out, his voice raised to a shouting tone by that point.

"Well it's not like you respected our relationship either, when you started keeping secrets and shutting me out of your life did you?" she countered in harsher tone than she'd spoken yet.

"That's rich, you cheated on me but yet you say I disrespected our relationship?"

"You let me walk away so as far as I was concerned we were done" she shouted.

"We weren't done! You came at me with a crazy ultimatum after I hadn't seen you for _days_ and when I don't jump at the chance to run off and elope you go and sleep with someone else. You didn't just sleep with anyone either; you picked the one person that you've told me repeatedly to trust you with because there was nothing left there anymore. The one person you knew would hurt me the most" he yelled back, both of them standing on the bridge by that stage. When he saw the tears start to fall he moved his gaze to his feet because even during their darkest times he wasn't completely immune to her tears.

Luke knew he had gone too far, it wasn't just her fault their relationship fell apart but he hated her being married to someone else, especially him of all people. He hated himself for ruining what they had and driving her away. More than anything he hated not having her in his life everyday but knew he wouldn't be able to go back to being friends knowing how much more they could have been.

"I'm sorry Luke" she managed to choke out.

"I should go" she said brushing past him quickly, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes as she walked but was a hopeless task as more just kept flowing.

Luke watched Lorelai practically run away from him and realised just how much he was missing her, even when she was right next to him he missed her. _'It's over', she's married' _a voice in his head kept reminding him and he knew it was true but still it was hard for him to accept. Luke had tried to make himself hate her and to forget her but not surprisingly it never seemed to take.

* * *

Lorelai dodged the festival by going up one of the side streets and down peach street to get back to her house, most of the townspeople were at the festival so there was no-one around. When she reached her house she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Christopher's car in the driveway. 

'_He's not supposed to be back for another two days'_ she thought as she moved round to the side of the house and quickly pulled a small mirror from her purse and wiped her eyes, trying to hide the fact she'd been crying. Whenever satisfied she walked back around to the front of the house and up the porch steps to be greeted at the doorway.

"Hey" Christopher smiled as he opened the door to greet.

"Hey" she greeted plastering a fake smile on her face that Christopher always seemed to think was genuine.

"What happened to spending some time in Paris with Gigi?" Lorelai asked as Chris moved to embrace her with a hug.

"Well I missed you"

"It was only two extra days, I'm sure you could have survived"

"So you didn't miss me?"

"Sure I did" she said, not believing her own words but sure he would. It was times like this she realised how much Luke knew her better than Christopher ever would…at least he used to. There was a time when Luke knew exactly what she was feeling without her even having to say it, sure the last months of their relationship didn't reflect this but it was still more than Christopher ever knew.

"So where were you?"

"Christmas festival, you know how this crazy town loves them"

"I'm beginning to get that. You're home pretty early though" he said glancing at his watch.

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling well" she lied.

"Why what's wrong?"

"Headache, think I'm just going to go to bed. You'll have to tell me all about your trip tomorrow" she said giving him a quick kiss before making her way past him to go upstairs.

* * *

The next couple days were busy for Lorelai as it was only a few days until Christmas. Rory was coming home on Christmas Eve which she was excited about; felt like forever since she'd seen her even though it had only been a few weeks. 

It has been two days since the town festival and her run-in with Luke and still she couldn't erase it from her mind. In all the years she'd known Luke she'd never seen him so angry, even the argument about Jess after Rory's car accident years ago didn't compare to how he had shouted at her on the bridge. _'Can you really blame him?'_ she asked herself as he looked back at how everything had turned out. Not even waiting an hour after giving Luke an ultimatum she'd slept with Chris; and then proceeded in marrying him only months later…if the roles had been reversed she wasn't sure she'd even be able to look at him much less argue.

As she went along doing her daily duties around the Inn she constantly tried to put Luke out of her mind and tried to concentrate on her mile long to-do list.

When there was a knock on the door of her office she rolled her eyes assuming Michel was back for the tenth time to hint in a not-so-subtle manner about the exercise ball he wanted for Christmas.

"Not in, come back later" she called out hoping whoever was there would go away.

"It's Luke" a deep voice from outside the door replied.

Lorelai's eyes widened in surprise; quickly she got up from her desk, hands swiftly moving to her hair to smooth it before doing the same with her dress. Just prior to opening the door she took a deep breath; preparing herself for seeing Luke again.

"Luke, hi" she stammered as she opened the door, unsure of how to act with him after their last run-in on the bridge.

"I'm sorry to just barge in like this…especially after what happened the other night"

"It's fine Luke, what do you need?" she asked, curious as to why he was here. He hadn't stepped foot in the Inn since before they split up so he knew for him to come here was a big deal.

"Well the other night, I didn't mean to…it wasn't" he started, stumbling over his wording until she stopped him.

"Don't worry about it, you were angry and I deserved it" she admitted shrugging her shoulders in a defeated manner that Luke didn't seem to recognise.

"I shouldn't have behaved that way" he reiterated.

"It's fine Luke really"

"I'm sorry for what I said, you didn't deserve it" he apologised, feeling bad that she felt she deserved everything he had practically screamed at her.

"Okay well it's forgotten now."

"Good, good" he murmured before an uncomfortable silence erupted between them, each waiting for the other to speak first.

"Can we talk?" he finally asked after few long seconds of silence,

"Um, sure." She nodded, motioning to the couch in her office. The two of them say down, each drowning in the awkwardness of the moment, a wave of sadness overcame them both as they realised how much things had changed between them to where they felt strange just being within a few feet of each other.

"Remember I said I was going to court to fight for custody of April?"

"Yeah"

"So, anyway, um, the court date is coming up. And I need a character reference. And Liz wrote one, but my lawyer read it, and he said it was sweet, but it was filled with all these weird childhood anecdotes that I probably don't want to share with anyone, much less a court of law. And I need another one, and I just don't know who to go to. And I know it's an awful lot to ask. And if it's weird or whatever…I mean I'd ask Rachel but she's been gone so long and you've…"

"Yes…" Lorelai answered.

"But if you could, uh..." he trailed off, realising she'd already agreed to it.

"Yes, I'll do it." She repeated.

"Yeah? Okay. All right, well, this is my lawyer's address, and you can just mail the letter directly to him."

"Okay" she replied taking the paper from him, feeling her stomach flip when her fingers brushed his.

"Yeah, and, look, if you don't mind, if you could do it as soon as possible...the court date's right around the corner."

"Definitely"

"Thanks. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Yeah. Um, okay, well...I'll just... thanks." He said a small smile present on his face as he stood up.

"Sure. I'll get right on it."

"All right. Thanks. Okay." He said putting his hand out for her to shake, unsure of what other form of showing his appreciation would be acceptable. Slipping her hand into his she shook it quickly; feeling awkward shaking his hand like it was a business transaction. Luke gave her a brief nod before leaving.

Lorelai sat on the couch for a few minutes after he'd left, going over their encounter in her head. The handshake had been beyond strange. '_Ten years' _ flashed through her mind as she thought of everything they'd been through… now it seemed they weren't more than just two casual acquaintances. Maybe in a few more years they'd be the kind of people who would pass in the street and have that cliché shallow two-minute conversation; she hated those meaningless exchanges. Just the thought of ever being like that with Luke was enough to send her into deep cloud of depression.

Sitting back down at her desk she took out a notebook from her drawer to start the character reference. Even though she had a list of things she needed to do for the Inn, it seemed important that she do the favour for Luke before any of her other seemingly trivial tasks.

**  
An hour later…**

Lorelai was sure it would take her most of the afternoon to write the character reference which is why she had started so soon after Luke had left; however it had been surprisingly easy to write. This was probably due to the ten years of him being there for her and Rory anytime they ever needed him. However Lorelai knew she could fill many more pages about how good a man and father Luke was… he had after all been the only stable father figure in her own daughters' life.

With that she got up from her desk, grabbed her car keys and left her office, shouting to Michel that she had to go and would be back in a while. There was one thing more she knew she could do to start mending some bridges with Luke…

* * *

_Next chapter is going to be the best so far I think and should be up at beginning of next week, Monday or so._

_  
Anyway please review!! xx _


	6. Calm Before The Storm

_Well everyone, here is the next instalment. I know it's Thursday but I didn't want to rush it and this chapter is quite a bit longer than I had intended to write. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it always helps motivate me to write more so please continue lol…_

**SmileyGGfan**: I know I had exams and college work for a long time and GG wasn't exactly inspiring me which meant a bit of writers block, hopefully out of it now tho! I have started the next chaps on both other fics and I always write paragraphs in my mind so I have ideas - hopefully I'll get those done soon! Thanks for the review, you always leave nice long ones. I agree about Chris not seeing past the walls, in my opinion he never did - even when they were 16 (lol because I knew them back then you see).

**Burgerman**: When I started writing this fic I had to go back and re-read it all as well to remember…shows how great my memory is! I was also annoyed by the lack of passion on the show in last season, really disappointing for fans so I read/write my own reality here lol

**Oh-no-she-di-ent**: Wow nice long review, love it. Btw weird question but have you ever seen the live journal blog 'oh no they didn't'. It's a celebrity blog thing and whenever I see your name it makes me think of it…yes I am random like that. I'm trying to write Chris as in character as possible, I have read fics where he is some psychotic guy which although tempting to write is not really him so I'm trying…as difficult as that may be. Lorelai's lack of remorse was something that bugged the hell out of me as well, it made me so angry. I haven't written fics in a while because well mainly college has kept me busy but also GG just didn't inspire me, just irritated me! (Although that last few eps of the season were good). That apology on the show was a joke, I was like 'Excuse me what?!?'…didn't make any sense. It's like they were in a rush to get things wrapped up and just stuck it in the last minute grrr. Haha can you tell GG annoyed me this season?

**rollsdownhill**: Your opinion is always appreciated, even if you think you're being picky I like it and agree that it may have been rushed. Probably because I was writing and wanting to get the next chapter out, I did take your constructive criticism into account so I took more time with this one so let me know what you think. Toodles!

**LorLukealways**: I agree that the breakup wasn't all Lorelai's fault, but she feels guilty atm and I want her to begin to realise that it wasn't just her fault. Yes if the Palladino's hadn't made Luke be an idiot they would have still been together, but where is the unneeded drama in that?

**Wendy**: I'm sure it seemed like I fell off the face of the planet but no college was busy with exams and projects, barely had time to sleep. I got an internship in an architecture firm for the summer so I've been working 9-6 everyday now which is also time consuming but I finally got some time to write! I promise I will update BTR and the other S/L fic soon, I have the chapters half done already lol…it's just finishing them that's the problem. The land of GG does seem un-confrontational with much unneeded drama for the sake of drama, that's what annoyed me a lot about the past 2 seasons. Hope you like this chap & hope all is well with you !

* * *

**6 - Calm Before The Storm**

**- **

_With that she got up from her desk, grabbed her car keys and left her office, shouting to Michel that she had to go and would be back in a while. There was one thing more she knew she could do to start mending some bridges with Luke…_

Lorelai pulled up outside Rory's apartment a short while later; she had called her on the way over to let her know she was dropping by. Rory had gotten back from London late the night before so she had still been in bed when Lorelai had called.

"Hey mom, so you couldn't wait just another day to see me huh?" Rory joked when she opened the door for Lorelai, still in her pyjamas.

"Well you were in London so of course I had to come by and check the English hadn't tried to convert you or something" Lorelai said as she gave her daughter a tight hug.

"Convert me to what?"

"I don't know_ English_ things; like from coffee to tea or from pancakes to crumpets" Lorelai countered, putting on a highly exaggerated British accent.

"Blasphemy!"

"Ahh good my baby is still waving the old red, white and blue"

"You know the British flag is red, white and blue also" Rory smirked.

"Whatever" she waved off.

"So how was the trip, Logan still enjoying it?"

"It was great, I'll show you my pictures when I come home tomorrow, and yes Logan is still enjoying, seems to have really found himself since he has been there; in a business sense I mean"

"That's great, and I can't wait to see your pictures. Do I hear 'slideshow'?"

"No slideshows just pictures, simple"

"Boo" she cried out.

"So how are things in Stars Hollow? How's dad?"

"Things with me are good, Christopher is fine. He got back from Paris a few days early with Gigi so they'll both be there when you come home and the town is it's usual craziness"

"Good, good. So is there any reason for the visit or just checking I hadn't been_ converted_?"

"I created you kid, it's biologically predetermined that I can call by to check on you whenever I take the notion…however this time there is a particular reason why I came over"

"And that is…" Rory probed.

"Luke called by the Inn today to see me"

"What for?" Rory queried, intrigued that her mother was speaking of Luke to her; since the break up whenever she had asked how things were with him Lorelai had shut her out, refused to discuss anything whatsoever.

"Well he's going to court to fight for custody of April because Anna wants to take her to New Mexico. So he needed a character reference and asked me if I'd write on for him."

"Oh, okay. So you're going to do it right?"

"Of course yeah, he seemed desperate, probably the only reason he came to me" Lorelai shrugged trying to joke it off.

"Luke came to you because you know him best. I'm sure there are other people he could have asked if he just needed anyone" Rory reassured as she lifted two mugs from the kitchen cupboard.

"Like who?"

"His sister, or didn't you say Rachel was back in town?"

"He asked his sister but apparently the lawyer thought the anecdotes she wrote about would hinder more than help any"

"Still, he came to you and that's what matters" Rory stated as she handed Lorelai a cup of coffee.

"Yeah I guess. Well I wrote it earlier, was pretty easy to write actually but I wanted to do something more y'know? So I thought you being the wonderful journalist daughter of mine could write one too. I mean he was around a lot when you were growing up and it would help the judge see that he can provide a stable environment for April" she explained.

"Sure I'll do one, anything to help Luke. I mean he was always there for me a lot…even when dad wasn't" Rory said truthfully as she thought of all the times he'd helped her and her mom while she was growing up. For example when she had the chicken pox and he had made her mashed potato because it was the only thing she could eat, or when he'd come to her high school graduation even though she hadn't asked him to. When her mom and Luke had finally gotten together it had been great to see them both so happy, because although her mother tried to hide it now, Rory knew she wasn't as happy with Christopher as she'd have people believe.

"Yeah he was" Lorelai replied thoughtfully remembering in particular Rory's graduation when Luke had come and even shed a tear over it, meanwhile Christopher hadn't even thought it was important enough to postpone a business trip for.

"When does Luke need it by?" Rory queried, already planning when and what she would write.

"Well that's the thing I was hoping if you did it today then I could drop it off at the lawyers office tomorrow because I have to go into Hartford for a meeting anyway."

"Wow talk about pressure"

"C'mon just pretend you're Jack Bauer, except the writer kind and not the fighter against terrorism. See how much that guy gets done in an hour, a character reference is easy"

"Sure, the Jack Bauer of journalism…" Rory replied sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

"Exactly!"

"Well what are you going to do while I'm doing it?" Rory asked.

"I'm haven't got any appetite for insanity right now…"

"So that rules out Paris" Rory concluded.

"Precisely, but I have some Dragonfly paperwork in the car to go over" Lorelai said,

"No singing" Rory reminded her mother whenever she returned from the car with a folder of paperwork in her hand.

"Would I ever?" Lorelai countered feigning shock.

"Um let me see…yes"

"Clearly you're delusional. When you're done we can go for something to eat, maybe go see a movie?"

"You not have to get back to the Inn?" Rory asked curiously, usually the place was buzzing around this time of year.

"It's called procrastination, now get writing Jack"

* * *

**Back in Stars Hollow…**

Christopher drove up to the Inn, parking his car in the space next to Sookie. Lorelai had been pretty busy since he'd returned from Paris so to make it up to him and find out about his trip they'd arranged a late lunch at the Inn. Gigi was at his mother's house for the evening so they would have some time alone.

"Hey Michel, is Lorelai around?" Chris asked Michel who was standing behind the front desk.

"No she is not. Why would she be, this is only her _job_" Michel snapped in his usual sarcastic manner all the while not looking up from his desk.

"Oh, do you know where she is?" Christopher asked, checking in his head that it had been 3pm they'd arranged to meet for lunch; he was sure it was.

"That's a good question, but _no_ I do not know. Fortunately she never feels the need to share where she is going with me"

"So you have no idea where she is?" he asked getting impatient, still wondering why Lorelai had hired Michel in the first place; every interaction he'd ever had with the guy had been far from pleasant.

"No. All I know is the flannel man from the diner came by this morning, and then she rushed out an hour later saying she would be back later. What does she think; that I can set my watch to_ later_?" he humped.

"Luke was here?" Christopher questioned, his mind already reeling with possible reasons of why he would come to see Lorelai and why she would leave not long later without telling anyone where she was going and when she would be back._ 'You're being paranoid' _he assured himself.

"Yes" Michel said getting more and more irritated.

"Do you know_ why_ he was here?" Christopher asked in as casual a manner as he could muster.

"What do you think?" Michel retorted in his heavy French accent, finally looking up from the desk to show Chris how annoyed he was becoming with each question he asked.

"Right, well she may be running late so I'm just going to wait in her office" Christopher explained but realised he may as well be talking to a wall; it would probably care more.

Christopher made his way into her office and took a seat on the couch; he noticed that the room was unusually tidy for Lorelai. Christopher waited ten minutes before calling Lorelai's cell phone which was oddly switched off.

There was a picture of Rory from her high school graduation behind Lorelai's desk, he walked over and picked it up to look at it more closely, he'd never seen that particular one before. After a few seconds he looked around the room to see if Lorelai had left a note to let him know where she was. There wasn't anything sitting around, he saw the notepad on the table and aimlessly flipped through it; more out of boredom than thinking she'd actually left him a note. When he came across a letter written to or about Luke, he sat down in the chair to read.

_To whom it may concern,_

_In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met._

_I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever._

_I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much._

_Thank you for your time. _

_Sincerely, _

_Lorelai Gilmore._

* * *

**Later that night…  
**

Lorelai returned home in a much better mood than she had left her house that morning, she had spent some quality alone time with her daughter, and managed to help Luke with the custody case, if only in a small way. When she walked into her house she was greeted by an excited Paul Anka who seemed very happy to see her home.

"Hey" she called out, knowing Christopher was home since his car was in the driveway. When there was no answer she shrugged it off, hung her coat up on the rail in the hall before making her way into the kitchen. Christopher appeared a few seconds later from upstairs.

"Hey" she said again.

"Hi" he muttered in reply, wanting to shout and ask her why she had stood him up for lunch that afternoon, what the letter to Luke was about or why Luke had been at the Inn in the first place. Somehow he managed to stop himself, knowing she would go straight on the defensive if he broached the subject in that way.

"Good day?" she asked casually as she flipped through the mail.

"Not really, especially after being stood up for lunch"

"Oh shit I totally forgot Chris"

"Yeah I figured" he said a cold undercurrent in his tone.

"I'm really sorry hun. I had a lot on my mind today, can we do it tomorrow" she said giving him an apologetic smile hoping it would do the trick.

"Where did you go? I tried calling you all day"

"I had a few errands to run and then I went to New Haven to see Rory. My phone battery died this morning and I'd forgotten my charger" she explained.

"Why didn't you call me and we both could have gone to see Rory" he replied in a harsher tone than he had intended.

"It wasn't planned I just felt like seeing her. She'll be home tomorrow anyway it's no big deal." she countered wondering why he was in such a bad mood, it's not like he hadn't cancelled lunch on her before on short notice.

"So why was Luke at the Inn today?"

"Ah the penny drops" she muttered rolling her eyes as she saw where the conversation was going.

"I read your letter"

"What?" _'How could he have…?" _

"On your desk at the Inn" he said joining the dots for her.

"It's not a letter. It's just a character reference that Luke asked me to write for his court case."

"Reads like a letter, a love letter"

"No, it's a favour that Luke asked, that's why he was at the Inn this morning"

"You know what? Before you go through a whole list of excuses, let me just ask -- is our marriage for you basically just marking time?"

"What?"_'__Whoa didn__'__t see that one coming__'_

"You know what I mean"

"Of course it's not!"

"I mean obviously you still have very deep feelings for the guy."

"No, no, I just have known him a long time, and he's..."

"…_Always been there, always will be there_." He interrupted, quoting her letter to which she had no reply just a look similar to one from a deer caught in the headlights.

"Do you still talk to him? I mean, do you see him?" Christopher continued.

"This is crazy." She answered; clearly stunned at the interrogation she'd walked into.

"Hey, I have a right to know."

"Occasionally I see him because we live in the same town."

"Yeah, and I know you, Lore."

"And?"_'That's what you would like to think"_

"And I know that you're not done with him."

"Okay, this is ridiculous. This is -- hey, this is a ridiculous conversation, okay? I have a history with him, yes. I was engaged to him, yes. But I married _you_." She explained, both trying to convince both Chris and herself simultaneously; she knew she wasn't doing a great job with either.

"Tell me you're not in love with him." He demanded.

"I'm not in love with him." She said trying to sound as confident as she could but it was difficult because she wasn't even sure she believed the words herself.

"I should've known. I mean, I mean, all the signs were there." He sighed.

"What signs?"

"The fact that you didn't want to leave stars hollow, that you were dead set against redoing the wedding that you didn't want to have a baby with me. I mean, it's all because of him, right?"

"I'm not ready for any of it yet that's all, doesn't mean it has anything to do with Luke" Lorelai tried to argue but it was half-hearted, she knew deep down that when she had been with Luke all she had wanted was to have a baby with him… and with Christopher a baby was the last thing she wanted.

"You know what? I-I'm sorry, I just…I can't handle this."

"Handle what?" she questioned._'__What is he saying; he can__'__t handle being married anymore?__'_

"This. You and him. I just -- I can't handle being your second choice. I thought I could, but I can't, all right? I can't be your rebound. I'm sorry." He muttered giving her a knowing look before turning and heading for the front door.

Lorelai sat down on the couch, her hands covering her face as she tried to figure out what she was going to do; it seemed like her life was crumbling around her and she could do nothing to stop it. The truth was she did love Christopher but it was a different type of love and it wasn't even in the same league as how she'd felt about Luke_. 'I settled for a second choice so I wouldn't be alone'_ she thought, realising just how pathetic she'd become.

* * *

**  
The next morning…**

Lorelai woke up to an empty bed, Christopher hadn't come back the night before and she wasn't completely sure she had wanted him to anyway. Her eyes were puffy from the tears she'd shed the night before, she was a sight for sore eyes that was for sure. Once up and awake she showered and dressed quickly; wanting to avoid an awkward morning interaction with Christopher if he decided to grace her with his presence.

Just as she went downstairs the phone started ringing, she answered quickly

"Rory?" Honey, what's wrong?...Oh, no. On my way"

'_Grandpa's in the hospital, Grandpa's in the hospital, Grandpa's in the hospital'_ Rory's voice kept repeating in her head. Lorelai's mind flashed back to the last time she'd heard those words; Christmas six years ago.

Lorelai didn't remember the drive to the hospital; it was like her brain was on autopilot to the point where she forgot where she had even parked her car. She kept having flashbacks to the last time when Luke drove her to the hospital; he'd closed the diner just so he could bring her to the hospital and had stayed until they knew her dad would be okay, despite the fact he hated hospitals. She wished he was there at that moment to reassure her that everything would be alright, somehow it always seemed easier to believe whenever he was the one saying it. When Lorelai found Rory in the waiting area of the first floor and caught sight of her anxious expression all thoughts of Luke dissipated.

"Hey hun" Lorelai greeted her daughter.

"Hey. Um, they're doing tests, so that's where he is -- blood tests and another E.K.G. They did an E.K.G. In the ambulance, but I guess they're still trying to determine how much damage was actually caused by the heart attack. But that's definitely what it was. It was a myocardial infarction, which is a heart attack. And I guess the E.K.G. Tells them how bad the blockage of his arteries is and what degree of coronary-artery disease he has, or C.A.D., As they're calling it, because, apparently, everything is -- what do you call it? An anagram? What's the thing with the letters? Acronym. The C.A.D., C.I.C.U., The E.K.G." Rory managed to get out in one breath; Lorelai just nodded sadly and wrapped her arms around her daughter in a tight embrace.

After a few minutes of hugging and Rory explaining what had happened it dawned on her that her dad wasn't there.

"Where's dad?" she queried.

"He'll be here, I called him in the car on the way but don't think he's got my message yet. I should probably try him again" she explained grabbing her cell phone from her bag and dialling his number but it went straight on to voicemail.

"Hi, Chris, it's me again. Uh... I'm at the hospital now, and, um, it was a heart attack, but dad's okay. He's just getting some tests. So, um...we're in the C.I.C.U. At John Skinner Medical Center. It's on the first floor, and there's a red stripe running down the hallway. Just please call me when you get this, okay? Thanks." she said, hating that she had to leave everything on his voicemail.

**Hours later…**

In the three hours that Lorelai had been at the hospital she'd left four messages on Christopher's cell phone, Logan had flown in by helicopter and, not surprisingly her mother had had many of her manic rants to many of the nurses about the lack of service she was receiving from _'this sorry excuse for a hospital__'_There were always newspaper reports every couple of months about the amount of slack that nurses take from patients everyday…Lorelai never appreciated just how much until she saw her mother berating one because the nurse had said something in an 'overly perky manner'_'…__And Emily Gilmore isn__'__t even a patient__'_

Emily had asked numerous times where her husband was and she kept making up excuses as to why he wasn't there yet; frankly she wished everyone would quit asking. Her daughters boyfriend had flown in by helicopter but yet her husband couldn't get there, _'Does it really surprise you he's not here?' _she thought and hated the idea that it was no surprise that he probably wouldn't show. _'Shows the high expectations I have'_

When the doctor's had finished their tests they had confirmed their fears; that Richard had to go in for open heart surgery. They were allowed to go in and see him; the fact that it could be the last time they saw him alive was not lost on any of them. Rory was her usual optimistic self trying to convince everyone that Richard would be fine; her mother was unusually quiet and she couldn't stop staring at her dad trying to memorise everything about him. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best was all she could do now.

* * *

**Luke's diner…**

It was a normal day in Luke's diner, Rachel had been out with a high school friend for coffee that morning and had just returned to start helping him out when Babette came in looking for Luke.

"Hey, Luke?" Babette said.

"Hey, Babette. What can I get you?" Luke asked when he looked up from the counter.

"Luke, I got to tell you something. Or, I don't know if I got to, but I want to. Well it's not that I want to like it's a good thing. Lorelai's dad had a heart attack."

"Oh, my god." He said clearly stunned.

"Rory called Lorelai and I was there."

"Is he okay?" Rachel asked who had overheard the conversation and felt instantly sympathetic for Lorelai with everything she must have been going through.

"Well, he's not -- he's okay...I think...right now. They're at john skinner, and I don't know, that's all I know."

"Oh, my god." Luke repeated.

"Yeah I-I thought you would want to know."

"Yeah, yeah, thanks."

"All right. Well, I'm going to go."

"Yeah. Thanks." Luke said, his mind reeling over what he could do to help. No matter what had happened between him and Lorelai in the past, this was so much bigger than all of that. It was the same as Lorelai helping with April's court case by writing the character reference; it was about his daughter and she knew how important it would be to him.

"You should go Luke" Rachel said after a few moments of watching Luke's inner turmoil over what to do.

"I want to help but I don't want to get in the way" he explained.

"It'll mean a lot to her if you're there"

"You think?"

"I _know_ it will" she assured him.

* * *

Lorelai had left her mother in the hospital cafeteria; she couldn't take anymore of her mother talking about her father's will, insurance and every thing else that should be the least of their concern at that time. Needing some fresh air she headed downstairs towards reception to go out the front entrance when she bumped into the last person she expected to see. 

"Luke" she said in a surprised voice.

"Hey…"

"Hi? Is everything okay, is April okay?" Lorelai asked, wondering why he was there.

"Yeah she's fine, I was just in the diner. Babette came and told me your dad had a heart attack." He explained nervously, suddenly feeling stupid for coming.

"Yeah" '_Babette, of course she told him' _Lorelai thought but wasn't sorry that he had come.

"I swear I didn't even know what I was doing. I just walked right out the diner and drove straight here. Now that I'm here I realize I might be in the way, but if there's anything I can do, I want to do it."

"I wish there was something … I myself am walking around feeling useless" she said and suddenly felt her eyes prick with tears. Since she'd gotten to the hospital she'd been trying to stay strong for Rory and her mom but with everything going on it all began to overwhelm her.

"I'm sure it helps you being here" he said in a soothing voice after noticing her eyes welling up slightly and putting a hand on the side of her arm.

"I was just on my way for some fresh air, get out of here for a few minutes before I go crazy" Lorelai explained trying to blink back the tears.

"Do you want company?" he asked and got a nod and an appreciative smile in return. When they got outside they walked along to one of the benches on the landscaped area in front. Lorelai sat down first and Luke followed, all awkwardness from the day before had left.

"He's gone in for open heart surgery, they said it's a risky procedure" Lorelai explained, her voice wavering as she spoke. For a few long moments she sat looking down at her hands clasped in her lap, knowing if she looked at Luke she would surely break down and he didn't need that.

"Lorelai" Luke said and when she kept her eyes to the ground her placed a hand on hers.

"Lorelai" he repeated, she slowly looked up at him.

"He's going to be okay" he said in a soothing tone, when he saw the tears star to fall he felt helpless.

"You don't have to be here Luke, I don't deserve you being here"

"Hey there is nowhere else I would rather be" he said in just above a whisper as he put an arm around her shoulders and she put her head on his chest. Wrapping an arm tightly around her he let her cry while he spoke soft soothing words to her to try and assure her that everything would be okay. For those long moments everything else was forgotten, the secrets, the pain and the last eight months of their lives without each other.

* * *

_See wasn't that longer than usual? Review my pretties, I'm a junkie who needs a fix! _


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